JIZZ 2

JIZZ     ==Intro == Welcome to the most mature episode of the most mature podcast in the universe.



Yes, we are doing a whole episode about jizz.



We were inspired to do this by this clip from Innuendo Bingo:

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Our curiosity was piqued - what in the hell did jizz have to do with birds (apart from cocks)?

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">After a lot of thorough research, we discovered that jizz (spell out), refers to "the overall impression or appearance of a bird garnered from such features as shape, posture, flying style or other habitual movements, size and colouration combined with voice, habitat and location". Apparently experienced bird watchers can reliably identify birds at a glance by utilising jizz. Wikipedia gives the tasteful example: " "It definitely had the jizz of a thrush, but I couldn't see what kind." Ew.

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">So I said to Joey - we should do an episode on birdwatching, just so we get to say jizz a lot. He laughed and said - "What, a whole episode about birds?"

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==<span style="font-size:24.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">JISZ of the......whatever == <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">As we are doing a whole episode based on Jizz, we HAVE to have a JIS of the week. We also need to update you re DJS and what he's up to. Seems he's back in the states, so lock up your teenage daughters, people, and make sure he keeps his JIS away from them (and your good selves).

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Now DJS actually has a page called "God is A Birdwatcher", which is accompanied by this music:

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Believer%27s%20Corner/bird_watching.htm

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU"> I always like to play music when I'm birdwatching - doesn't shoo them or away or anything like that.

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">We have actually commented on this JIS before, but we'll do an E4F and take it "from a slightly different angle" this time.

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">First thing of interest (besides the insanley annoying music), is the drawing of a man's silhouette at the top of the page, and this guy looks like he's about to smash the shit out of something (I'm guessing a bird?).

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">And we have some very educational and thought provoking bible quotes to start us off:

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Luke 12:4-7, “And I say unto you my friends, Be not afraid of them that kill the body, and after that have no more that they can do. But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him. Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God ? But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.”

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">So, God values me more than a sparrow. Gotcha.

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">"The Bible says that God cares and watches every bird. Jesus said in Luke 12:6 that NOT ONE OF THEM IS FORGOTTEN."

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Yep, I'm glad the battery hens, herons fucked by oil spills and ducks getting shot by hunters then carried away by dogs are reassured that God is watching every single one of you. He gets off on snuff films.

<p lang="en-US" style="page-break-inside: avoid">''LOL. I wonder if God ever found the time between deciding which cancers are hereditary and which fetuses would happen to get aborted to pick out which bird populations go by which oil spills.''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU"> As we've previously discussed, DJS then goes on to quote a passage from the bible about how God won't let you move a bird's nest if it's in your path, and how that reminds him of pregnant fish. And this quote is simply the best shit ever: "Look at all the endangered species in the world today, and how many birds and animals are extinct. It would certainly make sense that God, who cared to preserve His creation through the flood of Genesis Chapter 6, would be concerned about preservation of the species."

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<p lang="en-US" style="page-break-inside: avoid">''Ladies and gentlemen. The most clueless sentence in history.''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Next on the page is a piece written by Dr. Joe Temple entitled "sparrow" (Joey: I would have preferred the title "tits and swallows", but anyway......). Yeah, well Dr. Temple is in heaven now, so nice way to make fun of the dead, Non - Dr. Joe Temple. In 1964, the Board of Trustees of Bob Jones University voted to confer upon him the degree of Doctor of Divinity in recognition of his long years of faithful exposition of the Word of God from the pulpit and printed page. So he's sorta a Hovind kind of doctor. And in case you are wondering, yes the url for this university is www.bju.edu.

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">And said piece begins with this: "Bird watchers are usually presented as people who don't have it all quite together and can't do anything other than what they are doing." Um, yup.

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<p lang="en-US" style="page-break-inside: avoid">That sounds rather more like it describes pastors to me.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">He also shares his love of the Book of Job with us, by stating: "Job answered one of his friends in chapter 12, and I have always appreciated the contempt or the disgust that was in these words."

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Yeah, I really appreciate the contempt and disgust too. No one does contempt and disgust quite as well as the bible.

<p lang="en-US" style="page-break-inside: avoid">''Remember, Job was pissed at his friends' empty platitudes. Not only is that super ironic in the context of modern day evangelicals, who are more than happy to shoo away pesky questions with gems like “God works in mysterious ways” and “you must have done something to deserve it,” in the end God basically confirms his mysterious ways by proclaiming that Job has no right to ask for explanations out of the almighty.''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Then he quotes a verse that has the word "foul" (as in chicken) in it, and he concludes that "The chapter goes on to say what you will be taught if you observe these creatures of nature; namely, God is in control of everything. He knows what is going on."

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">In summary, Dr. Temple (lol) is very sincere in his belief that the bible makes it clear that God wants us to be birdwatchers - literal birdwatchers.

<p lang="en-US" style="page-break-inside: avoid">''I fucking hate when they feel like they need to throw up a bible verse for every inane, super obvious tenet of Christianity. GOD KNOWS EVERYTHING. Thanks. I didn't need four paragraphs delving into bird passages to understand that about your monotheistic religion.''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Let's finish our JIS with a quote from an "eloquent preacher": "An eloquent preacher said one time that there is never a sparrow dies but that God goes to its funeral. I am not that eloquent, so I don't usually talk like that, but it impressed me—not a sparrow dies, but that God goes to its funeral."

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 * sigh*

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">(amplify music......maybe with some crazy cock noises added for effect)

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/29594745/highlight/328246

<p lang="en-US" style="page-break-inside: avoid">''I bet God loves sparrow funerals. Their little bird bodies are always run over by snow tires or torn into by squirrel teeth and it reminds him how delightfully cruel he made everything.''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">OK, now onto the meat (that would be "white meat") of the podcast - all about birds and worship, spirituality and religion. And jizz.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU"> ==<span style="font-size:24.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">Indigenous Australia == <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Let's get our BCE on.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Ah, the internet is such a wonderful place. Let's start with some very unreliable and dodgy information regarding an Indigenous Australian myth. This involves an eagle or sea-hawk (or maybe a snake or something) called Yalungar that became the first woman. Apparently there weren't any chicks around (literally and figuratively) a long time ago, so Gidja (the moon), or Gidja's brother Mali, cut off his dick balls, and stuck a doll in the wound to make a va jay jay (jay - lol). Obviously I can no longer comment on this bird's jizz. This info is so unreliable it only has about 3 lines in Wikipedia.

<p align="JUSTIFY" lang="en-US" style="page-break-inside: avoid; widows: 136">I looked up Yalungar, and found this Yahoo Answers post:

<p style="text-align: JUSTIFY; page-break-inside: avoid; widows: 136">

=Is it ok to have moon goddess and moon god?= <p align="JUSTIFY" lang="en-US" style="page-break-inside: avoid; widows: 136">

<p align="JUSTIFY" lang="en-US" style="font-style: normal; page-break-inside: avoid; widows: 136">i am searching for my god. i have my goddess whos Artemis. the moon is calling so deeply. can i have a moon god also? please help.

<span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Oh, and we must mention "The Emu" in the milky way. The emu is made up of clouds of dust and gas that block the light from the Milky Way. The Emu's head is the very dark Coalsack nebula, adjacent to the Southern Cross. The body and legs are other dark clouds trailing out along the Milky Way to Scorpius. This is really easy to see from any dark sky site.

the Guringai people have made rock engravings of the creator-hero Daramulan and his emu-wife just north of Sydney. One engraving shows an emu in the same pose and orientation as the Emu in the Sky. During Autumn nights, the emu in the sky stands directly over the carving, just when it's time for the local people to gather emu eggs. ''They say that when the emu pecks, our doom is at hand. What say you Emmu''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">

==<span style="font-size:24.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">Egypt == <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">In contrast to our comprehensive coverage of Indigenous Australian bird beliefs, there's quite a bit of info available about bird worship in ancient Egypt, so we don't have to WING it as much for this topic. We can always rely on Egypt for some intruiging mythology. Birds were major players in Egyptian myth and beliefs back in ye olde ancient times. The relevant birds included (suckfucka)ducks, ibises and other waterfowl, eagles, vultures and falcons, as well as more exotic birds such as ostriches. Some birds lived in the wild, while others were domesticated. The Egyptians had several Gods that took the form (at least partly) of birds. These included Horus (who was was falcon-headed), Thoth (who had the head of an ibis), Nekhbet (who took the form of a vulture), and Hootin-Atthemoon (who came to Earth at night as an owl).

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Let's describe them!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt">

<p align="JUSTIFY" lang="en-US" style="page-break-inside: avoid; widows: 8">''I imagine a birdwatcher wouldn't have a tough time acclimating to the “jizz” of a wild raptor-headed god. "Not many species of birds with pecs and arms, ya know"''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Horus is one of the most ancient Egyptian Gods.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">He was the god of war and hunting, and the pharoahs were Horus in human form.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Horus was born to the goddess Isis. Before Horus appeared on the scene, Isis's husband Osiris was murdered and dismembered. So, coz she had a little trouble "letting go", Isis retrieved all the dismembered body parts of her murdered husband and put him back together again (Humpty Dumpty style). However, she had a major tanty when she realised she couldn't recycle his penis, because it had been thrown into the Nile and eaten by a catfish, or maybe a crab.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Joey: yeah, it sucks when your dick is consumed by crabs. Especially vengeful crabs.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Isis was so determined to get herself some hard cock again, that, according to one account, she used her magic powers to resurrect Osiris and make him a gold phallus so she could conceive her son, who of course was Horus. Now some knobs say that Horus was technically born of a virgin, because she wasn't inseminated with a REAL penis (or, as legend has it, a "Kirk Hastings"). I guess having a gold dildo for your dad makes you pretty special.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Horus and his uncle Set did NOT get along at all, and ended up having a jis (as in semen) battle (amongst others). Set is depicted in one papyrus as trying to prove his dominance by seducing Horus and then fucking him. However, Horus puts his hand between his thighs just as Set starts to blow his load, and catches Set's semen, and throws it in the river. Horus then deliberately spreads his own jis on some lettuce, which was Set's favourite food. Set then eats said lettuce, and I can just see him licking the tasty dressing off his fingers as he does so. nom noms. After Set ate the lettuce, they went to the gods to try to finally settle the argument over which one of them ruled Egypt. The gods first listened to Set's claim of dominance over Horus, and called his semen forth, but it answered from the river. Then, the gods listened to Horus' claim of having dominated Set, and call his semen forth, and it answered from inside Set.undefinedHa ha, gotcha, you little bitch! BTW, I don't think I am ever going to see a lettuce and mayonnaise sandwhich the same way again - EVER.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt">

<p align="JUSTIFY" lang="en-US" style="page-break-inside: avoid; widows: 136">''Okay, so we have one of two scenarios. Either Set loved lettuce SO MUCH that he just powered through the semen all over it with tears in his eyes, or he begrudgingly came to love the taste of Horus's emissions. DAMN YOU AND YOUR TASTINESS, HORUSSSS!!!''

<p align="JUSTIFY" lang="en-US" style="page-break-inside: avoid; widows: 136">

<p align="JUSTIFY" lang="en-US" style="font-style: normal; page-break-inside: avoid; widows: 136">Yeah, talk about not discerning between condom and condiment.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Thoth was also considered one of Egypt's most important gods and was often depicted with the head of an ibis. Thoth did some trivial things like maintaining the universe, developing science, inventing writing and judging the dead. Apparently Thoth's name means "He who is like an ibis". Very creative, ancient Egyptians. He didn't have a mum or dad - he produced himself. I guess he doesn't have a birthday, just a "Thothday". Thoth was originally a moon deity, and it is thought that he may be depicted with the head of an ibis b/c the ibis's beak looks like a crescent moon. BTW, I just looked up "Ibis" and "jizz" - not a good idea seeing as Ibis is a hotel chain. Inadvertently found some quite negative reviews of their linen cleaning practises. Ew.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">That leaves us with Nekhbet.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Nekhbet was a local goddess who was the patron of the city of Nekheb. Eventually, she became the patron of Upper Egypt and one of the two patron deities for all of unified Ancient Egypt.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">She was seen as a goddess who had chosen to adopt the city, and was consequently depicted as the Griffon vulture, a creature that was seen as maternal because the Egyptians thought these birds only existed as females (they didn't know that females and males looked identical - sucked in, ancient Egyptians). Dumbarse Egyptians thought the vultures were reproducing asexually. Der. Now we know why Jeebus decided these guys weren't ready to be taught about relativity yet.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">The priestesses of Nekhbet were called muu (mothers) and wore robes of Egyptian vulture feathers and subsequently looked like kick arse pimps.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt">

<p align="JUSTIFY" lang="en-US" style="page-break-inside: avoid; widows: 136">Were their robes muumuus?

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Nekhbet was usually depicted in a hovering posture, with her wings spread above the royal image, clutching a symbol of infinity, (or everything), usually in both of her claws. I think Erik Von Daniken thought she was a space-ship.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">

==<span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">Mesoamerica == <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Continuing on with ancient and fascinating cultures, let's talk about The Mayans, Aztecs - all those guys who got fucked over by The Spanish.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-outline-level: 1"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU;mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">We now have an excuse to discuss <span lang="EN" style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height: 115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-font-kerning:18.0pt;mso-ansi-language:EN;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU; mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">Quetzalcoatl. About time, too.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-outline-level: 1"><span lang="EN" style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;mso-ansi-language:EN;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU;mso-bidi-font-weight: bold">Well, I guess it's legit to discuss Quetzalcoatl within this topic, coz he has feathers. Hence, I declare him bird topic worthy. BUT - interestingly, he is a feathered serpent, which means a feathered reptile, which means the Mayans MUST have known about the link between dinosaurs and birds before us - obviously.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-outline-level: 1">

<p lang="en-US" style="font-weight: normal; page-break-inside: avoid">''Birds ARE dinosaurs. So I'll allow it!''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-outline-level: 1"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU;mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">Among the Aztecs, Quetzalcoatl was related to gods of the wind, of Venus, of the dawn, of merchants and of arts, crafts and knowledge. He was also the patron god of the Aztec priesthood, learning and knowledge, as well as of the Meat Mutant podcast.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-outline-level: 1"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU;mso-bidi-font-weight:bold">The Feathered Serpent was called Kukulkan among the Yucatec Maya, and Q'uq'umatz and Tohil among the K'iche' Maya. The double symbolism used in its name is considered allegoric to the dual nature of the deity, where being feathered represents its divine nature or ability to fly to reach the skies (or heavens) and being a serpent represents its human nature or ability to creep on the ground among other animals of the Earth.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Quetzalcoatl is one of the four sons of Ometecuhtli and Omecihuatl, the four Tezcatlipocas, each of whom presides over one of the four cardinal directions; N,S, E & W. Over the West presides the White Tezcatlipoca, Quetzalcoatl, the god of light, justice, mercy and wind. CHECK THIS RE DAWN AND VENUS IN THE EAST. As the morning star, he was known as the "lord of the star of the dawn." He was known as the inventor of books and the calendar, the giver of maize (corn) to mankind, and sometimes as a symbol of death and resurrection. Quetzalcoatl was also the patron of the priests and the title of the twin Aztec high priests. Some legends describe him as opposed to human sacrifice while others describe him practicing it. If I were you, I wouldn't take my chances.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt">

<p align="JUSTIFY" lang="en-US" style="page-break-inside: avoid; widows: 8">Really he just liked juggling hearts from fresh chests into more dead chests.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Strangely enough, some Mormons believe weird shit, such as, that Quetzalcoatl was actually Jesus Christ. According to the Book of Mormon, Jesus visited the American continent after his resurrection. You must admit, the resemblance IS striking.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Other Mesoamerican feathered deities included Kinich Ahau (bless you), (the Sun god). He was the patron god of the city Itzamal. Supposedly, he visited the city at noon every day. He would descend as a macaw and consume prepared offerings. Kinich Ahau was also know by the name Ah Xoc Kin, who was associated with poetry and music. He may conceivably be related to Kinich Kakmo ('Fire Parrot'), who was also reported to descend to earth <span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">to consume offerings while the sun was standing at the zenith (directly overhead). The Sun God is associated with an aquatic Eastern paradise, where he can assume the shape of a chimerical water bird. Bad arse.

<p align="JUSTIFY" lang="en-US" style="page-break-inside: avoid; widows: 8">And when the water bird and the fire parrot meet, let's just say it's STEAMY

<p align="JUSTIFY" lang="en-US" style="page-break-inside: avoid; widows: 8">Because of all the desperate, claw-raking, moany-squacked fucking

==<span style="font-size:24.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">USA == <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Let's move further north to the good old USofA so we can discuss birds and their role in worship amongst the native American peoples.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">In the United States the religious use of eagle and hawk feathers is governed by the eagle feather law, a federal law limiting the possession of eagle feathers to certified and enrolled members of federally recognized Native American tribes.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">The feather symbolizes trust, honour, strength, wisdom, power and freedom (amongst other things). This is much more noble compared to us white folk, to whom feathers symbolize dusting and tickling. A Golden or Bald Eagle feather is one of the most rewarding items that can ever be handed to a Native American. It is believed that eagles have a special connection with the heavens since they fly so close to them. Thus, many believe that if they are given this feather, it is a symbol from above. The eagle is seen as the leader of all birds, because it flies at such a high altitude, and has a much keener sense of sight than all other birds.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Once a Native American receives a feather they must take care of it. It is disrespectful to hide it away - apparently it needs to be kept on public display. Apparently.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">One more flight of fancy before we move on to the Judeo-Christian stuff.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">

==<span style="font-size:24.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">Tibet == <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">The cuckoo bird has been considered the mascot for Tibetan people since ancient time because it is a happy, spring bird. This bird is always free and not afraid of the unknown future. Hence, the cuckoo is highly respected as a holy animal in Tibetan legends and stories. It is said that the cuckoo is the king of all the birds; he will come every year in mid-March to inspect and punish birds that do the bad things. The "Greeting Bird Festival" is held at this time every year in the Buddhist Reting Monastery, and more than 100 Buddhists in the monastery prepare numerous offerings and hold solemn religious dancing activities for praying for blessings. The festival is related to thanking the cuckoo for helping with a plentiful harvest and lots of MEAT.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt">

<p lang="en-US" style="page-break-inside: avoid">Lots of meat that just coincidentally happens to be cuckoo meat.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">BTW, cuckoos are bitches.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Now let's leave all those heathen religions behind and FINALLY talk about Christianity. Specifically, the Bible (I don't give a fuck which version).

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">

==<span style="font-size:24.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">Da Bible == <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Probably the most famous bird in the bible is the dove.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">The dove is usually portrayed as white and gentle, sweet and loving. The dove is said to be so pure that it is the one form into which Satan cannot transform himself. Doves and pigeons were the only birds suitable for sacrifice by the Hebrews, as stated in Leviticus. They are also the only birds dumb and slow enough to be caught by my cat.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">The dove stands for the Third Person of the Blessed Trinity, because when Jesus was baptized the Holy Ghost descended in shape as a dove upon Him (Luke 3:22). As we all know, it also symbolizes peace, because a dove brought Noah a bough of an olive-tree as a sign that the deluge of wrath was over. The first time the dove was sent out, it found nothing and returned to the ark. Useless piece of crap. The second time it brought back an olive leaf, so Noah could see that God’s punishment was over and life on the earth had begun again. (The image of a dove holding an olive branch continues to be a symbol of peace to this day.) BTW, why not bring an olive so Nah had something fresh to eat? The third time, the dove did not return, and Noah knew that it was safe to leave the ark. A similar flood story is told in the Epic of Gilgamesh. There, too, the hero sends out a dove, which returns to the ship unable to find a perch.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Dove imagery is also utilized in several of the prophetic books of the Hebrew Bible. The low, cooing sound of a dove was used as imagery to evoke the suffering of the people of Judah (in Isaiah, Ezekiel and others). In early Christian art the Apostles and the faithful were generally represented as doves, firstly because they were the instruments of the Holy Ghost, carrying peace to the world; the secondly, because when they were baptised, they received the gift of reconciliation. And a jar of olives.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">According to another source, the Dove is associated with the start of Jesus's life. When the Temple priests were trying to choose a husband for Mary, a dove flew out of Joseph’s rod and landed on his head, marking him as the one selected by God. LOL.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Joseph's rod sure ejected a strange rope or two in its day.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">I guess an almost antithesis to the dove is The Eagle.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">The Eagle is a symbol of Christ and His Divine nature, of regeneration by baptism; it is also an emblem of St. John the Evangelist. As the eagle can gaze upon the shining orb of the sun with steadfast eyes, so can Christ gaze undazzled upon the refulgent glory of God the Father.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-outline-level: 1"><span lang="EN" style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-ansi-language: EN;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">We are going to discuss the Eagle in the bible as suggested by the webpage "7 Highly Effective Eagle Habits from the Bible". Now, the bloke who wrote this obviously has English as a second language. I don't want to make fun of him for that, only for the religious BS. But, there are some funny quotes we must share. This shit took me AGES to re-write into something comprehensible, seeing as sometimes I wasn't sure what point he was actually trying to make. So, bear with us.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-outline-level: 1">'''<span lang="EN" style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-ansi-language: EN;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">1. Eagles flock together '''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-outline-level: 1"><span lang="EN" style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-ansi-language: EN;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">Eagles do not mix with other birds but only enjoy flying at high altitude. We, as the children of God, are told not to forsake the assembling of saints but to come together and encourage each other to live a lifestyle of God with other believers. This royal character of our heavenly Father and lifestyle is the heavenly attitude of the high altitude sermon of Jesus on the mount.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-outline-level: 1">''<span lang="EN" style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-ansi-language: EN;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">Lesson #1: We should only mix with people who believe exactly the same things we do, because Jeebus was on a mountain when he gave one of his sermons, and eagles like heights. Gotcha. ''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-outline-level: 1"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span lang="EN" style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-ansi-language: EN;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">2. Eagles Sees a Long Distance Prey or Enemy Eagles have excellent vision, and so are able to identify prey from afar and focus on it until it catches it. At the same time, Eagles are also able to see their enemies from afar (for example, snakes trying to sneak in to its nest in order to steal its egg or to kill its young ones). The strong vision of eagles keeps enemies away from its nest. "We as the children of God are focussed on our reward which is to kill the unbelief, sorrow, depression and eat the positive things of peace, joy and righteousness as a result of killing it" (Isaiah, Romans). Comment: The positive things of peace are always the best to eat, like a peace of cake, a peace of chocolate, a peace of meat......  The demons and devils have a tendency and ability to attack our nest which is our home, finance, relationships, health, spiritual well being and the integrity of our soul (Peter). The demons and rulers of the darkness of this age are trying to steal, kill and destroy our abundant life of God within our families, loved ones and our community. We see by the foresight and strong vision of God from far off and start to resist it by attacking it, the enemy who tries to come in will become scared and flee away (John; Eph; James & Peter). When the Lord reveals the plans of the enemy in advance to us, the enemies of our soul will become frustrated, powerless and confused until they can no more attack us, as we are the people of God ( Kings, Matthew, Luke). Apparently this actually happened to this chap recently. He tells the story thus (I have changed the wording):  "The Lord showed the enemy trying to kill a lukewarm believer whom I know very well in a vision. I prayed for him to be shown mercies, and had peace after that. I met his mother a few weeks later and she told me that this particular believer met with an accident and if not for God's grace would have died on the spot. I told her the time that it I thought the accident might have occurred, and she said that it was the same time that he actually had the accident. I praise God for the times in which he outwits the plans of his enemies completely.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt">''<span lang="EN" style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-ansi-language: EN;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">Lesson #2: Make sure you get your eyes checked regularly, coz God's gonna gonna send some bad shit your way. Be ready. ''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt">'''<span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">3. Eagles Do Not Eat Dead Things '''<span style="font-size:12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU"> Eagles never consume dead things, but vultures do. Because we are the ones with the royal characteristics of an eagle within us, Jesus said, "For My flesh is food indeed, and My blood is drink indeed. He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him. As the living Father sent Me, and I live because of the Father, so he who feeds on Me will live because of Me." (John). His blood that we drink is our faith in the saving blood of Jesus and the flesh of Jesus that we eat is the words that He has spoken to us which we keep in our lives. We the believers are the ones who eat the fresh flesh of Jesus' words from heaven through the Holy Spirit's teachings.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt">''<span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Lesson #3: Only eat animals that are ALIVE. ''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">4. Eagles Love the Storm Eagles are the only birds that love a storm. When all other birds try to flee from the storm, eagles fly in to it and will use the wind of the storm to rise higher in fractions of seconds. Eagles use the high pressure of the storm to glide higher without using their own energy. The eagle is able to do this because God created it with a unique ability to lock its wings in a fixed position, in the midst of fierce winds. The storms in life that we face are trials, tribulations and temptations. As we face the stormy wind of afflictions in life, the Holy Spirit helps us lock our mind in a fixed position with the grace of God, which helps us just stay in the storm and enjoy the lift and height of heavenly mindedness in a greater and greater altitude. After a period of time we start to love the trials because of the positive peace that we are able to experience in the storm and the heavenly after effects of being lifted in to great height of spirituality and ecstasy in believing. We need to take a decision of accepting trials willingly and with joy because it lifts us in to higher altitude of spirituality without us wasting an ounce of energy. After we start to use all the manouveres in the midst of storms, we will surely say, "Bring it on with a stout chest and our head held high".

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Lesson #4: "You gonna test me God? Bring it, bitch. I take joy in suffering ....... (whispered in a sultry tone): Yeah, whip me again. Tickle me with those feathers. I accept your trials willingly. Oh God yes, woody woodpecker likes it like that........ Wait, I think I might have got that lesson wrong, guess I need to be punished....... "

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">5. Eagles Test Before Trusting During courtship, the female eagle picks up a twig from the ground. She flies high into the air while holding it, and then drops it, hoping her male suitor will chase it. Once the male catches hold of it and brings back, the female flies in to a higher altitude and drops it in the same way. This is repeated until the female gets an assurance that the male has mastered the art of seriously picking up the twigs in real love and affection. Once they get hooked up in trust, the father and the mother eagle mate for life. And they work together as parents. God tests us through various trials in order to test our love for the Lord and purify it by making us learn obedience through suffering. God tested Abraham before he trusted Him for eternity. Some of us try to test God like the grumbling Israelites did, which is totally a wrong attitude that arises out of our sinful, soulish mind. God must be trusted because he is perfect. We need to be tested because we are imperfect beings who need to be purified through various trials, temptation and tribulations in order to be made perfect. Once the tests are over, God trusts us and establishes us for eternity ahead.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt">''<span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Lesson #5: Don't be a grumbling Israelite. Guys, make sure your wood is held high, otherwise chicks won't be interested in you. Everyone, you are not perfect, and that is NOT OK. ''

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">6. Eagles Train Their Children to Maturity Eagles always build their nests in high places which their enemies cannot easily reach. God always sets his weak and lowly in mind children's in high places far above the reach of the enemy by His sovereign power. (WTF DOES THIS MEAN???).

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">The male eagle picks up thorns and lays them on the cliff as an outer shell of protection, and then it brings twigs to form another layer over it. It again places a layer of thorns over it, and then places a layer of soft-grass just before the inner most layer which completes the nest. The finishing touches for the nest are completed with its feathers placed over the outermost layers. In the life of Joseph, his circumstances and dwellings were full of thorns. He was thrown in to a well by his own brothers because of jealousy and was sold to some nomadic Arabians as a commodity, who again took him to Egypt and was resold as a slave to an officer of the Pharaoh. From there he was thrown in to a prison where his feet were hurt by the fetters and he was laid in irons for no fault of his own. The presence of God and His grace were the feathers that were always present all around Joseph, where he prospered and did not bleed to death by the thorns of his circumstances. When we go through the times of hardship and trials through no fault of our own, God covers us with His feathers and protects us under the shelter of His wings.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">While in training the mother eagle will throw the eaglets outside of their nest and the eaglets will get scared and will always try to come back into the comfort zone of the nest. Slowly the eagle will begin to remove the feathers and soft grass inside its nest, step by step, so that the eaglets can be trained to fly. The eaglets may feel that their mother and father are doing cruel things to them as they feel the thorns prick them and make them bleed. Many times we as believers try to stay in our comfort zone, but the Lord takes us in to situations that may seem very cruel as we start to bleed because of the hardship of thorns we face. But, the Lord's motivation in doing it is to make our fears flee and to teach us to soar in faith.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Then the mother eagle pushes them off the cliff of their nest into the air. As they shriek in fear, father eagle flies out and picks them up on his back before they fall, and brings them back to the cliff. This goes on for some time until they start flapping their wings. As we fall like the eaglets in to great trials, the blood of Jesus starts to flow inside our wings and strengthens our faith in the protecting sovereign hand of the Lord over our life. The great things that happens during this time how we start to enjoy the trials and tribulation. Fear of the fall flies away because of trusting in God's love and sovereign protection, and we soar consistently flapping the wings of faith and learn to stay that way without toiling.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt">''<span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Lesson #6: Push your kids off cliffs. ''

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;tab-stops: 378.55pt">'''<span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">7. Eagles Retire Until New Feathers Grow '''<span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU"> When eagles get old and weak because of their worn out feathers, the eagle retires away in the rocks and will pluck away all its old feathers until it is completely bare. It waits until a new set of feathers grow. It stays in its hiding place until all the new feathers comes back to make it fly dynamically again without much effort. Likewise, we take of our old man of soulish self after a season of flying in faith and wait in the presence of the Lord to make us rise up with the new feathers of faith from the new man by renewing our minds with the word of God. We need to wait upon the Lord in constant prayer of in order to be renewed with new feathers and be strengthened to soar again like young eagles in faith.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;tab-stops: 378.55pt"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">May we all live royally as an eagle and soar in our faith for the glory of God in our end time generation!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;tab-stops: 378.55pt">''<span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Lesson #7: Go pluck yourself. ''

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