Cats

Felines in Faith and Folklore
Thanks to Whelve for some great ideas.

Mention Read it and Weep

Ems' holiday - devils and native cats

JIS OF THE WEEK
Selected quotes from:

http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Evils%20in%20America/animal_cruelty.htm

We have a LOT of cat JIS this week.

Animal Cruelty Is A Sin 

* Ems' comments on The JIS in italics 

By David J. Stewart | updated March 2012 - so this is really up to date, cutting edge information about animal rights and contemorary issues regarding the ethical treatment of animals. Get ready to have your old fashioned opinions about animal cruelty blown out the window.

So let's start with a quote from the Bible - The book of "Proverb" to be exact.

Proverb 12:10, “A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast: but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.”

''Can I just say that any Biblical quote that includes the words "beast" and "tender" is quite apropos for this podcast. ''

Now back to D.J. Stewart.....

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">I have always loved animals...they're so tasty! (face palm). Seriously, I love animals. Animals have a soul, which many people do not realize. (that would include me). Of course, animals do NOT have a spirit, which us humans DO have. (of course). The soul is composed of 3 elements: a MIND to think, a Heart to feel emotions, and a WILL to decide. ''(hate to tell you DJ, but the heart pumps blood - you may wanna look that up on Wikipedia. And seriously, what do animals need to decide? Am I gonna run from that predator? I'm hungry - should I eat? Will I lick my balls now or later?). ''Animals, just as humans, posses these characteristics. Animals can become sad, and depressed, if mistreated.

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">Likewise, animals are happy and content when we respect them as creatures of God's divine handiwork and omnipotence. (Funny - when my cat is standing on my boobs and licking my eyelids at 5 am on a Saturday morning, I haven't found he responds favourably to me expressing respect for him as a creature of God's divine handiwork and omnipotence. He tends to respond much better to me getting my freezing arse out of bed to give him food and let him out the front door so he can have a poo). Animals do not have a sin-nature, as humans do.

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">I don't like mean people (pot/kettle reference) and can't think of anything more cruel and heartless, than to deliberately hurt an animal (see the Old Testament). God gave us pets to love and comfort us (call me a tree huggin' hippy, but I always assumed there was some reciprocity in this relationship, as in we are meant to love and comfort them to......guess I'm just a big furry at heart). No one should ever hurt or be mean to an animal for sport or recreation. Such people are spiritual sick, and need to find the love of God.  (I would hate to be spiritual sick. Physical sick I can handle, but spiritual sick is beyond the pale).

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">The Bible teaches respect for animals and life. In the law of Moses, God forbade anyone from harming birds in a nest if it was in their way. Isn't God wonderful... (because he prohibits the harming of birds but stands idley by while millions of children die violent, painful, excruciating, prolonged deaths.....yeah, he's so fucking wonderful).

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">Deuteronomy 22:6-7 (the same Dueteronomy that tells you under what conditions it's OK to rape a woman? I gotcha), “If a bird's nest chance to be before thee in the way in any tree, or on the ground, whether they be young ones, or eggs, and the dam [mother] sitting upon the young, or upon the eggs, thou shalt not take the dam [mother] with the young. But thou shalt in any wise let the dam [mother] go, and take the young to thee; that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest prolong thy days.”

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">God is a bird watcher! (no, God is a hippocritical arsehole). There is some speculation as to exactly what God meant by these Scriptures, but one thing is abundantly clear, and that is, God wanted the birds taken care of and not mistreated in any way. (we don't know what this means, but it means this.....wha...??)

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">When I read this Scripture passage I immediately thought about pregnant fish (of course you did DJ Stewart - we ALL did), and how they are often released to give birth to more fish (I think he's talking about fishing here). It very likely could be that God wanted the mother bird to be able to reproduce again, and demanded that she be released into the wild. I think that makes the most sense, but I am not sure. Whether that's what this passage means or not, it is certainly the ethical (right) thing to do to respect motherhood, whether it be human or animal. (wait wait wait wait.......so if the animal (or human) you capture is pregnant, the right thing to do is to let her go. If she's NOT pregnant, then I guess who cares what happens to her - do whatever the fuck you want to that barren bitch. BUTT.....what happens if the pregnant woman is a slutty whore who had sex before marriage? Ooh....that's a tough one.....Keep her as a sex slave, or let her free into the wild.....I just can't make up my mind. Damn you, ethical dilemmas!!).

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">I do think that is what this Scripture is teaching, respect for reproduction in life. Look at all the endangered species in the world today, and how many birds and animals are extinct. It would certainly make sense that God, who cared to preserve His creation through the flood of Genesis Chapter 6, would be concerned about preservation of the species (I would like to mention something here -  The Permian–Triassic extinction event. This was The Earth's largest extinction, and killed 57% of all families and 83% of all genera<sup id="cite_ref-ucr_5-2"> (53% of marine families, 84% of marine genera, about 96% of all marine species and an estimated 70% of land species) including insects. How's that preservation of species going, God?. Are you just gunning for the birds, or what???? Oh, hang on, one word - DODO).

<span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">PETA is Ridiculous on Animal Rights!

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">I am against PETA (People for the Ethical treatment of Animals... or People Eating Tasty Animals) (head desk) elevating animal rights to the status of human rights, to where they say we shouldn't even eat animals or use them for clothing...

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">Now that's crazy folks (CRAZY). The Word of God plainly states in Genesis 9:3... "Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things." It was God who killed the first animals to make "coats of skins" for Adam and Eve to wear... "Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them." (so if God kills something it's OK for us to kill it? Um.....that's opening one mother of a can of Hell worms right there......) Biblically, it is perfectly acceptable to kill animals for food and clothing. As to how they are killed, that is a different story altogether.

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">I believe animals should be killed as painlessly and quickly as possible (That's great - no problems with that, good on you DJ Stewart. Maybe you are a good guy after all.). If that means a crossbow or a hunting rifle, then so be it (Umm.......wait...........). Biblically, animals have no right to life if humans need them for food and clothing. Of course, I do believe that greedy poachers, who don't care if they wipe out an endangered species, should be arrested and brought to trial. We must respect what God has given to us.''((So let me get this straight. I gotta make sure I understand the rules. Firstly, hands off the birds. ESPECIALLY if they have an agg inside or outside of them. In fact, you can't kill anything that's gestating (coz that's easy to spot). BUTT, anything else is fair game as long as you are gonna use it for clothing and/or food. In fact, you can go crossbow on any animals arse, or head, or whatever, coz God created the animals for the purpose of loving us, comforting us, being a meal, and hiding our genitals from public view. Dude, WTF?))''

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">''Now, we agree with DJ Stewart to some degree re PETA being totally out of control on the animal rights front. I mean, they've even been on OUR backs recently about how we are raising Meat Mutant.  I can't believe that they are questioning our parenting philosophy and methods. What the fuck? Anyway, here's the story.''

''The other day, we had a visit from PETA. They had heard about Meat Mutant (of course they had, he is an international celebrity), and wanted to use him in an ad campaign with photo ops of how "savagely" we gobbled him up, cutey that he is.'' J: Yeah, we told them that while caring for animals is a drag, we tear giant chunks out of MEat Mutant with our teeth everyday until its vertebrae are coming apart at the seams with pure appreciation in order to maintain Meat Mutant's growth. It's not easy, though, especially since it's started to spout off teenagery stuff like "Stop, it hurts so much," and "Ow nooo don't do it"

E: and "Bite me"

J: although we may have to check ourselves, we're starting to get strangely addicted to MM's flank, in spite of the fact that it tastes like battery acid

E: family tenderness

J: And before you listeners make a peep of protest--Yes, yes, we know the ethical quandaries. We UNDERSTAND that neglecting to cook meat until it's savory before eating it is a huge waste, and that devouring parts of Meat Mutant raw is slightly unbecoming.

E: bloody teenagers

J: Hell, there are organs we're swallowing down that history doesn't have names for. But it's all for Meat Mutant's benefit, last time we let his growth get out of hand, he was developing some psychic powers; a swift lobotomy taught him a lesson he'll not soon forget!! Or at least not until the next lobotomy. That amygdala of Meat Mutant's looks mighty fine, if I do say so myself. Or is that his venom sack, I can never tell

E: So when PETA came around and I told them "Yes, I know Joe's an animal, but he asks, no BEGS for the whippings......" and they said "No Maam, we're here about the Meat"

J: Lol yeah, even Meat Mutant positively giggled at that one

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">PLAYING GOD WITH SCIENCE - BEWARE OF MAD SCIENTISTS!

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">Biblically, God said that every living thing would reproduce "after his kind" (Genesis 1:11,12). For modern scientists to tamper with the DNA of living organisms, combing them, and producing mutant species is dangerous. Scientists have already produced spider-goats, silk moth potatoes, glow-in-the-dark pigs, cows with human organs, et cetera. <span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">Mankind cannot play God without consequences! <span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin"> (kick arse animals, BTW. We all know about the wonder of sider goats, but I have yet to have the pleasure of moth potatoes - do they make French Flies? And, as well as glow in the dark pigs, there are also glow in the dark cats and mice. How awesome would it be to turn off the lights and watch the flourescent cats chasing the flourescent mice? Imagine being at a rave party and that happening after an eccy or two....man, that's some good shit. As for the cows with human organs, well, that's the start of a whole new porn industry right there. Just imagine those milking machines on 4 boobs at once. Daisy Does The Dairy Queen? Got Milk? Cloven Feets, Bovine Teats? Cow Wow indeed).

<span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">In January of 2011 mad scientists (and there's a picture of a guy in a white coat holding a beaker of green fluid who looks like he's just had a pool cuew shoved up his arse to illustrate what a mad scientsit looks like) release 6,000 genetically modified mosquitoes into Malaysia in an attempt to combat dengue fever (and there's a link to a whole DJ Stewart page about the mutant mozzies). Certainly, it is admirable that scientists want to cure diseases and do good with science; but to violate the laws of nature by tampering with DNA, changing the God-given genetic structure of life forms is to play God and risk unforeseen consequences. The law of cause and effect (and hundreds of other universal laws) (um....name one) tell us that it's just a matter of time before mad scientists go too far and open a Pandora's box that cannot be closed. God created the universe in His wisdom. Think about that. (as in created the universe that includes genetic engineering?...I don't get your point, DJ Stewart).

<p style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">Fairness to Animals and Humane Treatment 

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">Proverb 12:10 states... "A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast: but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel." This Scripture refers specifically to animals which are made to perform work. It's ok to use animals to plow fields or perform work, but not in an abusive fashion (you can make that ass plow all day, just don't call it an ass. That's abusive). I was recently watching the History Channel, and they said that horses have been known to jump off cliffs, to commit suicide, if torturously worked to the point of misery (I guess if you saw it on TV then I can't argue with that - you got me there, D.J, Stewart). This is brutality, and such horse owners should be held liable for cruelty to animals (I agree - if you make a horse top itself by mistreating it so much it feels the need to find the nearest cliff and jump off it, you should pay for that - dearly. The only problem is, those cases are clogging up the court system. There's gotta be a better way to deal with this  massive problem that is plaguing our society!)

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">Again, the Bible does not prohibit meat or clothing from animals (we get it, DJ). Americans especially, have gone insane with animal care. It is not uncommon nowadays for wealthy people to leave their entire estate to the their pet. Pet massage parlor's are popping up all over America ''(wait....what?). ''

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">The Bible teaches FAIRNESS to animals in 1st Timothy 5:18... "For the scripture saith, Thou shalt not muzzle the ox that treadeth out the corn. And, The labourer is worthy of his reward." If an animal performs work, it should be rewarded for his labor, and well treated. This is Biblical. (Soooooo Biblical)

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">I couldn't believe how cows are abused in the milk business. Please read, [http://www.milksucks.com/pus.asp GOT PUS? ] (and GOT PUS is in capital letters. Soz, this isn't funny, but when you say it like DJ Stewart, I did LOL). Cows are injected with Monsanto's Bovine-Growth-Hormone (BGH), which causes the cows to produce 10 times their normal milk output, and PUS! To counter the near-emergency medical state of the cows, the animals are pumped full of antibiotics to kill all the pus. Yummy! This is animal abuse! (and D.J., if you knew what you were talking about, you may just mention what happens to the calves of said cows....if anyone wants to look that up I suggest you read http://kb.rspca.org.au/What-happens-to-bobby-calves_87.html, and you may not like what you read.)

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">I agree with Paul McCartney on the issue of being kind to animals...

<p style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">“You can judge a man's true character by the way he treats his fellow animals.” <span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">― Paul McCartney

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">I think there is much truth to this statement. Albeit, when a person refuses to eat red meat and chooses to remain a vegetarian like Paul McCartney for the sake of not hurting animals, that is taking the matter too far (Paul says he can now drive by a field of animals and have a clear conscience). May I kindly say, that's insane! (so kindly said, DJ Stewart - as usual). The Bible says that God gave us animals for food and clothing, to be received with thanksgiving (See Acts 10:13 and 1st Timothy 4:4). (WE GET IT - FOOD AND CLOTHING. As long as you kill an animal to eat it and/or wear it, you're in the clear......).

''<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">Now, this is the last paragraph of this tome, and I must admit I have no fucking ideahow it relates to any of the previous discussion about quote unquote ethical treatment of animals. Any suggestions would be appreciated... ''

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">We must always remember that it was Eve's rationalizing that caused her to eat of the forbidden tree, which influenced Adam to follow in sin, which plunged the human race into darkness and sin. Genesis 3:6 tells us that IN HER OWN MIND, Eve had fabricated 3 good excuses why she felt justified in disobeying God: 1) It was good for food, 2) The tree was pleasing to the eyes, 3) It was a desirable tree to make one wise. Oh, foolish Eve, she was her own worst enemy. People make the same horrible mistake today, looking for lame reasons to justify disobeying God, and the world continues in suffering, misery and darkness without Jesus Christ.

Yeah......right.........

What is a Cat?
For this episode, we are defining a "cat" as a member of the family "felidae". This covers the Pantherinae (including the tiger, the lion, the jaguar, and the leopard), and Felinae (which includes the cougar, the cheetah, the lynxes, the ocelot, and the domestic cat). And as a 41 year old woman doing a podcast with a 23 year old guy......why yes, Ems/I will be proudly representing the cougars.

There are 41 known species of felids in the world today, so we will have an abundance of opportunities to make infantile pussy jokes. Just the way we like it.

Interesting fact: all felid species share a genetic anomaly that prevents them from tasting sweetness. Methinks that if they studied this more closely, they would find a definite preference for "umami".

Now, "umami" is now considered another basic taste, which has been added to sweet, sour, bitter, and salty. "Umami" means "a pleasant savoury taste". Foods that are particularly umami-ish include fish, shellfish, cured meats, vegetables such as, mushrooms and spinach), and fermented and aged products such as cheeses and soy sauce.

I would hazard a guess that human flesh trumps all of those, in terms of umami goodness. Especially since cheeses/Jesus is included on that list. That communion host is indeed pleasantly savioury. However, I repeat, I am only GUESSING at the tastiness of human meat...or as I like to call it, Hoomeat. I am also only GUESSING, that the hoomanumami may taste even better when accompanied by a particular species of bean, and a specific type of wine (make Hannibal Lecter fava bean noise).

ADD HANNIBAL CLIP AND A MIAOW

And, I assume that if you love Meat Mutant, you are also a fan of umami. Long live the pleasant, savoury taste of the meat.



Cat Worship
Now that we have defined what a cat is (well, for the next hour or so anyway), we shall sink our teeth into the umami of the podcast - cat worship (also known as ailurophilia). Well, thechnically that's love of cats, but it'll do as a fancy schmancy word that makes us sound smart.pt

MOCK 100 LOVING WAYS

There is a delightfully lame example of flagrant and prolonged cat worship on YouTube, a 35-minute ditty named "100 Ways to Love a Cat."

Play sample, choosing a string of two really lame ones that concludes with the "100 loving wa-a-a-ays" bit

Ancient Egypt
Probably the most widely known and earliest worshippers of the pussy were the ancient Egyptians. In ancient Egypt, cats were known as "mau". I am assuming that this is onamatopaeic, and easier than calling them (purring noise) or (hissing noise).

So, what made cats so worship worthy? Well, apparently they were very much appreciated for their role in keeping vermin like mice under control and admired for being able to kill snakes like Cobras (not sure how this worked, but sounds bad arse). Cats of royalty were known to be dressed in golden jewelry and were allowed to eat from their owners' plates. Dogs, on the other hand, just sniffed each others' butts and annoyed the crap out of the pharoah by humping his leg all the time.

DNA analysis suggests that cats were first domesticated about 10,000 years ago in the Middle East. Thousands of years later, Upper and Lower Egypt celebrated a religion centering around the animal worship, including the worship of cats.

When war broke out between Egyptian peoples, the tribe that won was able to demand more respect for their totem, and mandated its worship (a totem is an entity that watches over or assists a group of people). Eventually an empire was formed under the Pharaoh Menes around 3100BC, and he allowed worship of multiple totems. One of the the totems worshipped was the cat.

The Egyptians viewed their gods as intelligences that could be personified in a corporeal body. The earliest evidence of cats as deities comes from a 3100BC crystal cup decorated with an image of a lion-headed goddess. The Egyptians were so into cats that killing one, even accidentally, incurred the death penalty. A Greek historian describes a situation in about 60BC, where he saw the chariot of a Roman soldier accidentally run over an Egyptian cat. An outraged mob gathered and, despite pleas from pharaoh Ptolemy XII, the mob killed the soldier.

Bastet
One of the better known Egyptian cat Goddess was Bastet, AKA Bast, Baast, Ubasti, or Baset (a cat goddess called basset - go figure). The meaning of her name remains uncertain, but one recent suggestion by explains it as meaning "She of the ointment jar".This may explain why she was worshipped by lots and lots of adolescent boys and single men. Bastet's parents were Isis and Ra.

Bastet begins to appear in the historical record from the third millennium BC. At this time, she is depicted as either a fierce lioness or a woman with a lion's head.

Originally she was seen as the protector goddess of Lower Egypt. As protector, she was viewed as defender of the pharaoh, and the later chief male deity, Ra. This also afforded her the titles of Lady of Flame and Eye of Ra.

Batset's cult was centred in the city of Bubastis, near what is known as Zagazig today (what kind of fucking name is that). In the biblical Book of Ezekiel 30:17,the town appears in the Hebrew form Pibeseth.

Interesting fact: apparently the cat is not mentioned in the bible as an animal.

Bastet had a pretty temple, with lots of scratching posts made from the skin of slaves and a litter tray filled with diamonds.

Not really... Herodotus and other texts described Bastet's temple as surrounded by water on three (out of four) sides, forming a type of lake known as isheru. Lakes known as isheru were typical of temples devoted to a number of leonine goddesses who are said to represent one original goddess, daughter of the Sun-God Re / Eye of Re: Bastet, Mut, Tefnut, Hathor and Sakhmet. Each of them had to be appeased by a specific set of rituals. One myth says that a lioness, fiery and wrathful, was once cooled down by the water of the lake, transformed into a gentle pussy cat and settled in the temple.

Herodotus described the temple as having a courtyard in which there was a grove of trees leading to the interior, which contained a huge statue of Bastet - and lots and lots of sacred cats, cared for by the temple priests with donations from pilgrims. The temple's huge cat population, while respected, needed to be moderated by the periodic sacrificial culling of kittens, which were then mummified and sold to pilgrims as relics.

Bubastis became a marketplace for merchants of all sorts; artisans produced thousands of bronze sculptures and amulets depicting cats to sell to worshippers of Bast. These amulets commonly featured an image of a cat and its kittens. Because domestic cats tend to be tender and protective of their offspring, Bastet also was regarded as a good mother, and the amulets depicting her with numerous kittens (little Bastets) were often worn by women trying to have children, praying to Bast that they be granted the same number of children as kittens depicted on the amulet (octomum must have got her hands on one of those).

The tomb of Bast also held more than nineteen tonnes of animal mummies and remains, the vast majority being cats. The farmer who made the discovery sold most of the tomb's contents to be ground up as fertilizer, but fortunately a number of specimens made it into the hands of scientists and some of these are on display at the British Museum.

Herodotus also relates that the most important and popular festival celebrated in Egypt was held in Bubastis in honour of the goddess, whom he calls Bubastis and equates with the Greek goddess Artemis (the goddess of the hunt, wild animals, wilderness, childbirth, virginity and young girls). Each year on the day of her festival, the town is said to have attracted some 700,000 adult visitors (no kiddies). The women engaged in music, song and dance on the way there, great sacrifices were made and a shitload of wine was drunk. Egyptian sources prescribe that leonine goddesses are to be appeased with the "feasts of drunkenness".

It has been suggested that the status of the cat was roughly equivalent to that of the cow in modern India. The death of a cat might leave a family in great mourning and those who could would have them embalmed or buried in cat cemeteries. Extensive burials of cat remains have been found in several locations around Egypt.

Bast was a goddess of the sun throughout most of Ancient Egyptian history, but later when she was changed into a cat goddess rather than a lioness, she was changed to a goddess of the moon by the Greeks. In Greek mythology, Bast also is known as Ailuros.

Anyhoo, in the first millennium BC, when a lot of domesticated cats were kept as pets, Bastet began to be represented as a woman with the head of a cat and ultimately emerged as the Egyptian cat-goddess par excellence. In the Middle Kingdom, the domestic cat appeared as Bastet’s sacred animal and after the New Kingdom she was depicted as a woman with the head of a cat or a lioness, carrying a sacred rattle and a box or basket.

To fit their own cosmology, the Greeks thought of Bastet as the sister of Horus, whom they identified as Apollo (Artemis' brother). The introduction of Christianity and Muslim beliefs followed as well, and by the sixth century AD only a few vestiges of Ancient Egyptian religious beliefs remained.

Bastet's role in the pantheon was reduced as Sekhmet, a similar lioness war deity, became more dominant in the unified culture of Lower and Upper Egypt.

Sekhmet
Sekhmet was another bad arse Egyptian feline goddess. She was originally the warrior goddess and the goddess of healing (how that works I am not sure) for Upper Egypt. She is depicted as a lioness, and her breath was said to have created the desert. She was a huge deal –when the capital of Egypt was moved, her cult (originally centred in Memphis), was moved there as well. Sekhmet is also a sloar deity, and also thought to be the daughter of the sun god Ra.

Sekhmet's name comes from the Ancient Egyptian word "sekhem" which means "powerful one." Her name means, the (one who is) powerful. She also was given titles such as the (One) Before Whom Evil Trembles, the Mistress of Dread, Lady of Slaughter and She Who Mauls. Fucking awesome names.

In order to placate Sekhmet's wrath, her priestesses performed a ritual before a different statue of the goddess on each day of the year.

She was envisioned as a fierce lioness, or as a woman with the head of a lioness, who was dressed in red, the colour of blood (Bastet wore green). Occasionally, Sekhmet was also portrayed with minimal clothing or naked. Tame lions were kept in temples dedicated to Sekhmet at Leontopolis.

<span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">To pacify Sekhmet, festivals were held at the end of battles, so that the destruction would end. During a festival of intoxication held at the beginning of each year, the Egyptians danced and played music to soothe the wildness of the goddess and drank great quantities of wine to imitate the extreme drunkenness that stopped the wrath of the goddess—when she almost destroyed humankind. This may relate to trying to avert excessive flooding of The Nile at the beginning of each year, when the river ran blood-red with the silt from upstream and Sekhmet had to swallow the overflow to save humankind.

<span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">In a later myth developed around an annual drunken Sekhmet festival, Ra, the sun god, created Sekhmet to destroy mortals who conspired against him. In the myth, Sekhmet's blood-lust was not quelled at the end of battle and led to her destroying almost all of humanity, so Ra had tricked her by turning the Nile as red as blood so that Sekhmet would drink it. The trick was, however, that the red liquid was not blood, but wine, making her so drunk that she gave up slaughter. It is said that when Sekhment awoke from her drunken sleep, the first thing she laid eyes on was the creator god, Ptah and she fell in love with him and married him.

<span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">Apparently she was also his sister. Whatever. Anyone who was on the Irreligiosophy forums will know that anything to do with Ptah is very, very strange indeed.

<span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">Sekhmet later was considered to be the mother of Maahes, a lion prince. Maahes was a lion headed deity associated with war and weather, as well as knives, lotuses, and devouring captives (now that is eclectic). Tame lions were kept in a temple dedicated to Maahes in Taremu, where Bastet and Sekhmet were worshipped.

The Decline of Cat Worship
The cult of Bast was banned by imperial decree in AD 390. Egyptians no longer respect cats the way they once did. But, they are still kept as pets and tolerated because they catch pests.However, the cat has not lost all religious significance with modern Egypt, since cats are also revered to some extent in Muslim tradition.

Islam
<p style="line-height:normal"> Islam teaches Muslims to treat cats well and that the cat is a creature to be cherished and loved. Mistreating a cat is regarded as a severe sin.

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU;mso-bidi-font-weight: bold">Islam  <span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">teaches that, in relation to a cat:

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">An example as to how Muslims are punished for mistreating cats can be found in the `ahadith (oral traditions telling the story of the Prophet Mohammed). Apparently some woman got scratched by a cat. She was rightly pissed off, and decided to keep said cat locked up. She also failed to feed the cat and surprisingly it died. When her mistreatment of the cat was discovered, the woman was tortured and "put to hell.”
 * <span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";     mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">the cat should not be sold for money or other traded goods
 * <span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";     mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">cats saliva is harmless unless the cat has "visible impurities" in the mouth
 * <span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";     mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">that Muslims are free to live with cats but they must treat cats well, providing the cat with enough water and food and giving "roaming time" (a degree of freedom of movement)

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">Now it doesn’t specify how she was tortured, but I think putting her in a small box full of hungry cats might have been good, just for the, what do you call it……irony?

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">So cats were seen as pure and clean and thus sanctified, while dogs were treated like shit.

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">The Prophet Mohammed eventually carried cats to Mecca, thus giving cats an eternal blessing within Islam.

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">This helped bridge the gap between cats being sacred in ancient Egypt and being linked to other spiritual beliefs in later cultures and religions.

<h2 style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">Asia and Buddhism <p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">We're at around 500 BCE now. It has been said that Confucius owned a cat. But, given that Confuscianism is more of a set of moral guidelines than a religion, cats were never officially worshipped as part of this belief system. <p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">Cats have had a mixed reception in Buddhism: They were seen as a symbol of good fortune in some Buddhist countries. Buddhism calls the lion the Defender of the Law, and Buddha, sometimes called the "Lion of the Shakya," is sometimes seated on a lion throne. However, cats were also said to be the only animal that fell asleep at Buddha's funeral, which did not garnour them favour.

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">Folklore has it that the purring sound that cats make replicates the snoring of the snoozing cat that was rolling on its back with its paws up in the air during Buddha's funeral while every other creature on Earth was wailing and moaning and gnashing their teeth (just kidding - but I would not be surprised......)

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">It seems that cats were much more appreciated in societies such as Japan and Siam, although you could never quite call them "worshipped" in these countries - they were more thought of as "aristocratic" (how you can call an animal that licks its own arse "aristocratic" is beyond me...but, maybe that says something about the aristocracy of the time.....)

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">There are several other interesting cat myths and beliefs in Asian cultures.

<span style="font-size:18.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">The Birman Cat
<span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">There is a legend associated with the Birman cat. Just so you know, Birman cats have a long fluffy coat, and are a sort of creamy colour except for dark brown legs, face and tail and white paws. They also have blue eyes.

<span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The legend takes place in a temple on the sides of Mount Lugh, in Burma. The temple housed the golden image of the Goddess Tsun Kyan-Kse, and the holy Kittah (monk- which I think should be pronounced “kitteh”) Mun-Ha was the head monk.

<span style="font-size:18.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">Mun-Ha always used to meditate in front of the Goddess with the sapphire eyes. The Goddess made sure that the Kittahs would be reborn as an animal, after which the soul would be in Nirvana (the heaven beyond illusion), and shine with a golden halo.

<span style="font-size:18.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">Accompanying Mun-Ha in his meditation was Sinh, a white cat whose ears reflected the yellow of the golden Goddess and the golden beard of his master, and whose nose, tail and paws were brown like the earth on which he stood.

<span style="font-size:18.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">As the moon shone, one night, Mun-Ha entered a transcendental state which was so deep that he felt no pain. While he was blessing out, Siamese invaders murdered him. The cat Sinh plut his paws on the monk's robes. Facing the Goddess, Sinh's fur became gold, like the golden statue, and his eyes became the beautiful blue shining eyes of the Goddess. His legs, his tail, his ears and his face became a velvety rich brown. His paws, which were gently laid on his master's body became a purest white.

<span style="font-size:18.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">The Kittahs, though in a state of panic due to the invasion, obeyed Sinh's commanding but serene look, and closed the heavy bronze doors of the temple, thus saving it from the invaders.

<span style="font-size:18.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">The next morning, the other ninety-nine cats in the temle had been similarly transformed, and thus the Birman breed was born. Sinh did not move from the place of his master's death, and exactly seven days after his master’s death, he died. The puss cat carried the soul of Mun-Ha with him, which it was his duty to present to Tsun Kyan-Kse who would reward him with Nirvana (and heavenly nom noms).

<span style="font-size:18.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">On that same day, the priests were arguing about who should replace Mun-Ha (the head monk). All the transformed temple cats entered the temple and in complete silence surrounded the youngest of the Kittahs, who was subsequently chosen to succeed Mun-Ha.

<span style="font-size:18.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">Thus it is believed that when a Kittah or chief monk dies, he would be reincarnated as a Birman cat before attaining Nirvana. Another belief cautions: “''woe also to he who brings about the end of one of these marvelous beasts, even if he did not mean to. He will suffer the most cruel torments until the soul he has upset is appeased."''

The Korat Cat
<span style="font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">A blue grey cat with green eyes called the Korat also originates from the orient and has a myth associated with it. Korats were originally called Si-Suwat, meaning "grey cat". They were later renamed by King Ramu V of Siam after their region of origin (Korat is a province of Thailand). Their blue-grey colour resembles a rain cloud, and these cats are used in ritual processions meant to bring rain to the fields. This is what a local poet had to say about them:

'<span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">"The hairs are smooth with roots like clouds, and tips like silver, and eyes that shine like dewdrops on a lotus leaf." '

<span style="font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">Korat cats are linked with farmers, who, to bring rain, carry one of the cats in a procession, while they themselves chant and pray to the sky gods. After the procession, water is sprinkled on the cat's face so as to induce rain.

<span style="font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">While we're pussy footing around Asia, let's revisit Joe's favourite country, Japan, and the "beckoning cat".

The Beckoning Cat
The Beckoning Cat is called the manekineko in Japan. You've probably seen statues of this cat in Chinese or Japanese restaurants and millions of other places - this is the cat who sits and waves its paw at you for ever and ever and ever..

Legend has it that a long time ago at the beginning of the Edo period, a very poor Buddhist Monk had a cat named Tama. this cat stood in the door of the Gotoku-ji temple and raised her paw in the traditional Japanese beckoning gesture to a feudal lord who was sheltering from the rain under a tree.

The feudal lord followed the cat into the temple and BOOM!, a lightning bolt struck the place where the lord had just been standing. Thus the cat had saved his life. From then on, the manekineko was considered as an incarnation of the Goddess of Mercy who watches over and protects people. And, as thanks for having his life saved, the noble man became the temple’s patron, and the temple became prosperous.

After the cat died, it was buried in the Temple’s cemetery and the Maneki Neko sculptures were made to honor the magical cat.

The Temple was renamed the Gotoku-ji temple in 1697, and now houses hundreds of statues of Maneki Neko, brought by people praying for business success, but also for their lost or sick cats.

There is an alternative story to this, which suggests that there may be another birthplace of the beckoning cat: the Imado Jinja Shrine. The maneki-neko of this shrine, is actually a male and female cat combined into a single figure. Moreover, the words ‘en musubi’ (‘romantic fate’ / ‘marriage tie’) are written on them. Thus, the maneki-neko of Imado Jinja is the charm of fateful encounters.”It is possible that Gotokuji is where you beckon ‘virtue’ and Imado Jinja is where you beckon ‘fate’ It’s hard to know which is actually the birthplace of the maneki-neko.

Most statues of Maneki Neko (usually a white cat) are ceramic, and are said to represent the Japanese Bobtail breed. The cats usually have a collar, bell or a bib around their neck, and are sometimes shown holding an old and valuable coin called a koban. All of these combinations of different colours, raised paws and other features represent the beckoning of various desires such as wealth, luck, love, customers, attention etc.

In business the manekineko is said to bring success. This is because her raised paw beckons in customers. It also welcomes in personal happiness and harmony. A gold manekineko, which is quite rare, is said to bring riches. Beckoning Cats are often sold as money boxes and in a house they are supposed to beckon in good friends. A black Beckoning Cat brings health and wards off evil spirits.

Which brings us to......

Black Cats
{C}According to Wikipedia, a black cat is a feline with black fur. It is not a particular breed of cat and may be mixed or of a specific breed. Thanks once again Associate Professor Vicki Pedia for that expert opinion.

As we have hinted at, cultural beliefs regarding black cats vary enormously.

In Western cultures and history, black cats have often been looked upon as evil omens, specifically being suspected of being the familiars of witches (supernatural entities believed to assist witches in their practice of magic), and so most of western and southern Europe considers the black cat as a symbol of bad luck. If one crosses a person’s path, this is believed to be an omen of misfortune and death. In Germany, some believe that black cats crossing a person's path from right to left, is a bad omen. But from left to right, the cat is seen to be granting favourable times.

Whatever.

Gamblers are afraid of black cats: it is believed that if, while travelling to a casino, a black cat crosses a gambler's path, that person should not go to the casino. Pro tip: probs shouldn’t go to the casino anyway.

The association between black cats and witches appears to have begun in the middle ages, when everyone was freaking out about witches practising black magic. Poor, old and lonely women were known to feed stray cats (I guess as an act of kindness and mutual affection), but it was often these same women that were later accused of witchery. Their cat companions, some of which were black ones, were deemed guilty of witchery by association.

This belief was reinforced when a story involving a father and son in Lincolnshire in the 1560′s became popular. The two men were said to have been travelling one moonless night when a black cat crossed their path and then ran under some bushes or into a drain or something. Being arseholes, they threw rocks at the cat until the helpless injured creature scurried out into a woman’s house, who at the time was suspected of being a witch. The next day, the father and son came across the same woman and noticed she was limping and bruised. This, of course was believed to be more than just a coincidence. From that day on in Lincolnshire, it was thought that witches could turn into black cats at night.

The belief of witches transforming themselves into black cats in order to prowl streets unobserved was a central belief in America during the Salem witch hunts. The association between black cats and witches is still evident when people dress up for Halloween (unless they dress up like pirates). Speaking of which, in the 19th Century, pirates believed that a black cat would bring different kinds of luck. If a black cat walked towards someone, that person would have bad luck. If a black cat walked away from someone then that person would have good luck. If a black cat walked onto a ship and then walked off it, the ship was doomed to sink on its next trip. In general though, it is considered to be good luck if a ship’s cat is black.

One awesome black cat can be found in the Russian novel The Master and Margarita. The black cat’s character is called Behemoth, and he is a huge, mischievous talking cat who can stand on two legs, and has a penchant for chess, vodka and pistols. Now THAT is a fucking awesome black cat.

But, the sad fact remains that everyday black cats are still considered unlucky by lots of people, and many animal shelters suspend the adoption of black cats around Halloween for fear that they will be used as living decorations, and/or dumped when Halloween is over. In attempt to reduce this disgraceful prejudice and promote the humane, long term adoption of black cats, "National Black Cat Awareness Day" is held on August 17.

LOLCat Bible
{C}<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">We have one more segment to go, so let's make it a funny one.

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">One cannot discuss beliefs about cats without mentioning the LOLCat Bible.

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">The LOLCat Bible Translation Project is a wiki-based website set up in July 2007 by Martin Grondin, where people aim to parody the entire Bible in "LOLspeak. So far, most of the bible has been translated. In the process of adaptation, various changes are being made to the source material, for example, changing the main characters to cats, Jesus Christ as "Happy Cat," God as the "Ceiling Cat," and Satan as the "Basement Cat," while the "gifts" and "blessings" of God have become "cheezburgerz". General people have become "kittehs." The most devoted contributors have been described as those who utilize as many gags and themes used in the different lolcat images.

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">According to the LOLCat Bible website, the philosophy behind the LOLCat Bible can be summarised as:

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">As fun as possible, no more misleading than necessary. (a bit like MM, srsly).

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">At all times, remember that you're trying to produce a translation that's understandable by cats. In particular:

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">Some examples of translated passages include:
 * <span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";     mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language:      EN-AU">Cats like having fun. Keep the translation fun.
 * <span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";     mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language:      EN-AU">Cats have short attention spans. Use short sentences, and feel free to skim the more tedious bits, such as lists of "begats".
 * <span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";     mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language:      EN-AU">Prefer references to things that cats would understand. A typical domestic cat probably hasn't seen a desert tent, but they have probably seen a sofa.

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">Psalm 23

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">The <span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;font-variant:small-caps">Lord <span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin"> is my shepherd; I shall not want.

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">2<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">3<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">4<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">5<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">6<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the <span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;font-variant:small-caps">Lord <span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin"> for ever.

{C}<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">So the LOLCat translation is…

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">1 Ceiling Cat iz mai sheprd (which is funni if u knowz teh joek about herdin catz LOL.) <span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin"> He givz me evrithin I need.

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">2 He letz me sleeps in teh sunni spot <span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin"> an haz liek nice waterz r ovar thar.

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">3 He makez mai soul happi <span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin"> an maeks sure I go teh riet wai for him. Liek thru teh cat flap insted of out teh opin windo LOL.

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">4 I iz in teh valli of dogz, fearin no pooch, <span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin"> bcz Ceiling Cat iz besied me rubbin' mah ears, an it maek me so kumfy.

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">5 He letz me sit at teh taebl evn when peepl who duzint liek me iz watchn. <span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin"> He givz me a flea baff an so much gooshy fud it runz out of mai bowl LOL.

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin">6 Niec things an luck wil chase me evrydai <span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin"> an I wil liv in teh Ceiling Cats houz forevr.

<span style="font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin">We have some bible quotes on the MM website that sing our praises, so let’s see how they are translated: <p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">LOLcat Bible version:  “Iz liek ‘Oh hai, neigh.”
 * <span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";     mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language:      EN-AU">Job 39:20  <span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:      "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;      mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">: “…Its majestic snorting is terrible.”

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">“…gettin all drunk, havin sexiness with lots of pplz that arnt ur spows, and all dat stuf” 
 * <span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";     mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language:      EN-AU">Galatians 5:21:  <span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:      "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;      mso-fareast-language:EN-AU"> “Envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these…”

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal">''<span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">“When I herd dis I got mad n ripd out sum fur. Den I just sat aroun ''<span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">”
 * <span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";     mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language:      EN-AU">Pslam 106:20:  <span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:      "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;      mso-fareast-language:EN-AU"> “They exchanged their glorious God for an image of a bull, which eats grass.”
 * <span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";     mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language:      EN-AU">Ezra 9:3  <span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:      "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;      mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">: ” And when I heard this thing, I rent my garment and my mantle, and plucked off the hair of my head and of my beard, and sat down astonished.”

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">“Gimmeh sum delicious red cookiez, cauze I no can find mouses and I so humgry I could die.” 
 * <span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";     mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language:      EN-AU">Genesis 25:30  <span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:      "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;      mso-fareast-language:EN-AU">: “Please! Let me gulp down some of that red stuff – that red stuff! I’m exhausted!”

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">NOTE: “Cookiez” is a mistranslation, since by “red stuff” the passage is clearly referring to Meat Mutant.

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">LOL

<h2 style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">SIGN OFF <p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">OK, ai thinks we can haz finished our episode n stuffs, srsly.

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Hopefully you will appreciate the awesomeness of cats more after listening to this. Praise be to the pussy.

<p style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; line-height:normal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-language: EN-AU">Next time, we will............maybe have a guest on?