Because while we don't value basking in righteous indignation over actual truth seeking quite as much as David J. Stewart, sometimes we must succumb to our inner snark demons.
Actually, we're both a bit exhausted and wanted to do a quick and dirty to lift up our spirits, and what better topic than JIS?
THE JIS THAT'S FREE OF ILLUMINATI COVER UPS AND THEREFORE AVAILABLE IN THE NOTESEdit
RECLAIMING THE RAINBOW FOR GOD!!
I didn't even read any of it before knowing in my heart this was the correct article to feature in the top spot. Why?
This is the music that instantly plays:
[INSERT MUSIC CLIP]
Well, of course, it's entitled Reclaiming the Rainbow for God, so of course it needs the most somber of dirges. Fucking rainbows always depress the shit out of me (Ems: well I must admit when I saw one the day before the solar eclipse I did shake my fist at it and yell at it to "FUCK OFF").
- I am always deeply grieved (as I know the Holy Spirit of God is) when I see the rainbow desecrated by some godless Sodomites. I do not call them "homosexuals," simply because that is what they like to be called. I surely do not call them "gay" because they are not a happy bunch in the eyes of God. Though some would dare to call them "queers" or "faggots," I prefer to call them what God calls them... SODOMITES. Thus named after the wicked city of Sodom which was destroyed by fire and brimstone in the Old Testament.
Well, you can't argue against that kind of logic. People should be called what the creator of the universe sees from afar through his peculiarly provincial looking glass. So, from now on, we'll be collecting signatures for a petititon to legally change your name to His Honor Babyprostate Stimulatrix. I'm certain that not only would God agree whole-heartedly to this moniker, he would pat us on the back for uncommon cleverness.
Ems: Joe, why do you call me Ems when I like to be called Ems? WHat the fuck is wrong with you, you freak?
Sodom was destroyed by God Almighty as an EXAMPLE to those who would live ungodly.
"And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman (Ems: nice), burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet (Ems: MEAT). And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them." -Romans 1:27-32
- Need I say more... the Word of God speaks for itself. Homosexuality is a wicked sin that is punishable by death. BUTT....only for men. All you lesbians out there, do whatever the fuck you want with each other. God is your biggest fan. No problems there.
- Ems: Um, God.....you've got some catching up to do. If you think all the MALE homosexuals should be killed because of their sinning ways, then, what's holding you back? For someone who's omniscient, surely you know about things like gay pride marches, The Sydney Mardi Gras, any Catholic Church......a strategically aimed meteorite or some spontaneously burning bushes at such events might be an efficient use of your time. Otherwise I can only conclude one (or all) of the following: 1. You do not exist. 2. You exist, but don't give a flying fuck about men engaging in sexual acts with other men because, well, honestly, what is there to give a flying fuck about? Actually, my preference is 3. You don't exist, but if you did, you would not give a flying fuck about men engaging in sexual acts with other men because you would be a loving God with bigger problems to fix than whether two people with XY chromosomes are having a pash.
Obviously, all men who wear rainbow sashes are given over to despiteful proud boasting, breaking covenants, backbiting God, and worst of all, inventing evil things (i.e. rainbow sashes). That's why the newspaper photo included in the article shows the rainbow sash protestors are standing respectfully in the pews. You could practically smell the sulfur.
Ems: Joe, it's their impure THOUGHTS that are the problem in that photo. They may be standing peacefully in pew, heads bowed in respectful contemplation, but you know that all they're thinking about is fucking the guy next to them on the altar while screaming "Oh GOD! oh GOD!". That's all gay men think about and as I was very clearly taught in school, you don't have to DO anything bad to sin, you just have to THINK about it.
- Most people think that the rainbow is only a token from God that He would never destroy the earth again with water. Even though this is very true, the rainbow means more. The rainbow is a reminder to all humanity that GOD KEEPS HIS PROMISES! We read in Titus 1:2 that God cannot lie. Any time you see a rainbow, you remember that God keeps His Word. This is the beauty of the Word of God... It is filled with thousands of promises from God.
Oh, the next time humanity suffers a protracted annihilation, it won't be with water. How reassuring! (especially to the people still recovering from the loss of loved ones, innocent children, livelihoods and homes from the 2004 Boxing day tsunami, or the one that more recently hit Japan). Now whenever I see a rainbow, I'll think, it's not a global flood that's going to kill me, it'll be choking on a river of blood!
Ems: Yep, menstruating women are going to cause Armageddon. You know it. Maybe if we all get hysterectomies right now, the Earth will be saved! This is God's way of blaming the lesbians for something, isn't it? Sneaky God you are.....
Somebody needs to pound out a children's book with this glorious good news. The Book of Revelations, depicted with broad primary colors and the twisted pools of tortured souls as stick figures with x's for eyes! Or, as David J. Stewart's ilk would want it, The Book of Revelations translated into the toddler-friendly language of penis tickles.
Ems: maybe the Archangel Tampax will save the world by absorbing us of our sins.
- It is sickening that the Sodomites would dare desecrate such a holy object as the rainbow with their wickedness. God will hold each and every one of them accountable. The rainbow is God's gift to humanity... NOT the sodomites. They have no claims to the rainbow (or the once decent word "gay"). There is nothing "gay" about the sodomites. So the next time you see a rainbow in the sky, think about the fact that God never lies! God has promised that the unrighteous will burn in hell (Psalm 9:17). Sodomites can desecrate the rainbow, but they can never change it's TRUE meaning!
DJS knows that the proper and holy use of bands of prismatic light is to dye each of your pubes red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet and then instruct children to taste the rainbow. I kid, the true meaning of the rainbow is to run through each of the colors of bruises on DJS's penis when he reads the Elder Protocols and the seismometer goes blip blip blip blipblipblipblipblipblipblipblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblb.
Ems: Fuck this sodomite bullshit. You know what the most EVIL use of the rainbow is? Clown hair. That's all I have to say about that. Let's move on before before I have a clown induced nervous breakdown.
That's all I got lol.
NON SECRET JIS 2Edit
Why Did God Kill A Man For Picking Up Sticks On The Sabbath Day?
God loves people .com. slash articles slash Killed for sticks.
- In Numbers 15:32-35 we read a startling story about a man who gathered some sticks on the Sabbath Day. God had forbidden the Jews under Mosaic Law from working on Saturdays (i.e., the seventh day of the week, their Sabbath). They weren't even allowed to light a fire. No doubt this man was gathering sticks for fire wood. No work was allowed on the Sabbath Day.
NOTHING could be done on the Sabbath that involved work and there's very good reason why, which I'll explain in a moment. But first, here's the story of a man who was sentenced to death by God for picking up sticks...
Numbers 15:32-35, “And while the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day. And they that found him gathering sticks brought him unto Moses and Aaron, and unto all the congregation. And they put him in ward, because it was not declared what should be done to him. And the LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones without the camp. And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses.”
So what were the children of Israel doing in the wilderness, twiddling their thumbs? You and I know perfectly well they were out there punching out she-bears to prove their manliness, and probably also breaking covenants with the best of them.
And then Moses was all like: "You want to build a fire on the Sabbath? Go ahead, build your fire... IN HELL!!" and then everybody high fived him
- What was the Sabbath Day? The Sabbath was a ceremonial law given only to Old Testament Jews living in Palestine. Ceremonial laws pictured divine truths. Some were shadows of things to come. Colossians 2:14-17 teaches that the ceremonial laws ceased at Calvary when Jesus died on the cross. God had commanded the Jews to work 6-days, but on the Sabbath they were to rest completely. COMPLETELY!!! The 6-days of man working represents human effort in salvation. No amount of human effort can save. The Sabbath is our precious Lord Jesus Christ, in Whom we rest completely for salvation. The Sabbath was a shadow of the coming Messiah, “the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world” (John 1:29). God is telling us through the death of this man that adding even the smallest amount of human effort will send us to Hell forever.
Well, glad I'm not going to hell then
You know, it might have been pretty excellent on God's part if he informed Old Testament Jews living in Palestine about the 1:1 symbolic foretelling of Christ in the Sabbath. Might have saved some all of that silly "internecine strife" and all. Not to mention the faith not works message, think how many manhours could have been saved once the ancient residents of the Levant were let it on the joke that their ceaseless toiling was an elaborate metaphor for how none of the shit they did mattered!
- Now you know why God sentenced the man to death for breaking the Sabbath. Leave those sticks alone my friend! Don't touch them! Don't add to the gift of God! God is teaching everyone who reads the Bible that He will kill anyone who adds human effort to faith alone in Jesus Christ for salvation. Salvation is by grace through faith PLUS NOTHING!
God, however, has yet to actually strike anybody dead for the unspeakably vile atrocity of advocating good works
God will command the angels to cast your body and soul into the outer darkness of Hell forever and ever! Matthew 22:13, “...Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness; there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” Leave those sticks alone on the ground. It's the Sabbath! Don't pick up those sticks of water baptism. Leave them on the ground! Don't pick up those sticks of sacraments. Leave them on the ground because it's the Sabbath, and no work must be done on the Sabbath Day! Don't pick up those sticks of human effort. Instead, you rest in Jesus Christ apart from all human effort. Leave those sticks on the ground my friend, because it's the Sabbath!
I bet resting in Jesus Christ is what he calls bed time with ickle Jeremy once he's sweaty from picking up all those weeds in the garden without being allowed to bend his knees
The Sabbath was a ceremonial law picturing the coming Messiah in Whom we rest for our salvation. God gave the Sabbath to the Jews to teach the world that salvation comes only by resting in Jesus Christ!!! Human effort cannot save!!!
- Picking up sticks on the Sabbath represents adding human effort to faith alone in the Savior. God sentenced a man to death for doing it. On the Sabbath the Jews were commanded to rest completely, which pictures resting in the coming Messiah for salvation (and NOT human effort). Don't pick up those sticks; you leave human effort on the ground! Don't add the self-righteousness of human effort to the free gift of eternal life, which comes only by faith in the Lamb of God (our Sabbath in Whom we rest for salvation). Amen!
How warped is this, I mean really? What, was the guy who was just looking to make a fire evil? No, but he was summarily executed to illustrate a point! A point so unclear that they, as a people, forgot quickly (though that fits Jesus' minsitry to a tee, admittedly). DJS is not doing the passage any favors with his... unique... interpretation.
- Are you listening all you Lordship Salvationists (like Ray Comfort and Paul Washer) who teach that faith alone is not sufficient to be saved? Are you listening John MacArthur, Seventh-day Adventists and Jehovah's Witnesses who teach that HUMAN EFFORT is also required to be saved? The Bible calls all of these false prophets LIARS! No human effort is required for salvation. Repentance is not a change of life; but rather, a change of mind, which means ceasing from one's OWN WORKS (Hebrews 4:1). Biblical repentance is ceasing from your own human effort, and instead believing THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST.
I know somebody whom I'd love to cease his own human efforts.
Again, I like how merely suggesting that you need to do good works to get saved is worthy of eternal damnation. Doesn't that arbitrary judgement make the world a worse place overall? You can't even say "be good to get into heaven" if you're honestly misled or deluded, you're tossed into the seventh ring all the same.
- Let me quote this wonderful Scripture again...
Hebrews 4:10, “For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works...”
What example of unbelief is Hebrews 4:11 speaking of? Look back to verses 1-2...
Hebrews 4:1-2, “Let us therefore fear, lest, a promise being left us of entering into his rest, any of you should seem to come short of it. For unto us was the gospel preached, as well as unto them: but the word preached did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in them that heard it.”
The Israelites in the Wilderness heard Moses preach the Gospel again and again, but they didn't believe. The reason why the Jews were always complaining is because most of them never got saved. They literally didn't believe in the coming Messiah. Many of them didn't care, but only wanted to party...
This needs no comment.
- God takes the plan of salvation VERY seriously. So serious that he had a man killed merely for picking up some sticks. This short story tucked away in the Old Testament speaks swelling volumes of books concerning the free gift of eternal life. It is a gift indeed and no work may be done to have it. If you even pick up some sticks to be saved, God will put you into Hell forever to burn and be tormented. There will be NO exceptions for anyone!!!
HE WASN'T PICKING UP THE STICKS TO BE SAVED. YOU JUST SHOVED THAT IN THERE UNBIDDEN TO GO ON A LORDSHIP SALVATION RANT. Why the fuck would he be picking up sticks to showcase the righteousness of human effort or whatever dumb shit your brain unfortunately wheezed? HE WAS JUST COLD.
EMMA YOU DO THE REST HERE; AFTER THIS IS THE SECRET JISes
God sentenced that man to death in the Wilderness for just picking up some sticks! That doesn't seem very fair does it? I mean, they were just some sticks! What kind of God would kill a man for just picking up some sticks? A good God, that's Who! A good God that doesn't want anyone to go to Hell. God is telling us through the death of this man that adding even the smallest amount of human effort will send us to Hell forever. 2nd Peter 3:9, “The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.”
God is warning the world in Numbers 15:32-35 that He is not playing games. If you ADD anything to faith alone in Christ, you will be sentenced to the Lake of Fire for all eternity. God will, guaranteed, show no mercy and have the angels cast you into second death forever. There will be many RELIGIOUS people at The Great White Throne Of Judgment, who will be bewildered and dumbfounded when they are cast into Hell...
Matthew 7:21-22,“Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.”
The Bible tells us why they went to Hell, even though they were religious and devoted to serving Jesus...
Matthew 7:21, “Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.”
They failed to do THE WILL OF GOD. John 6:40 tells us what the will of God is concerning salvation. John 6:40, “And this is the will of him that sent me, that every one which seeth the Son, and believeth on him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day.” Religious devotion is a road to Hell. Water baptism, sacraments, amending one's ways, forsaking the world, surrendering all to Christ, making a commitment to Christ—NONE of these are salvation. Hebrews 4:1-2 tells us that the Jews didn't have faith in THE GOSPEL (the death, burial and resurrection of Christ). That's the ONLY way of salvation (Acts 4:10-12; John 14:6).
If God will kill a man for picking up some sticks (to show the importance of the purity of the Gospel), then don't foolishly make the grave mistake of thinking that He'll let you slide and go to Heaven “SOME OTHER WAY” (John 10:1). John 10:1 and 9, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that entereth not by the door into the sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber. ...I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture.”
Please DON'T add to the Gospel message. Put those sticks down! Picking up sticks on the Sabbath represents adding human effort to faith alone in the Savior. On the Sabbath the Jews were commanded to rest completely, which pictured resting in the coming Messiah for salvation (and NOT human effort).
- The very fact that God showed NO MERCY to a man who picked up sticks on the Sabbath, evidences clearly that God will NOT show any MERCY in eternity to those who add to faith in the Messiah. Eternal life is a gift, paid for by the sacrifice of the Lamb of God for OUR SINS. Thank you, Lord Jesus! God's Words shall not pass away. The Law of God must be kept. God is bound by His promise to fulfill all of His Word (and that includes casting unbelievers into Hell for all eternity).