The King James Bible is tangentially related to Shakespeare (he's said to have been on the council that created it). But the real reason for featuring this article is that it bares DJS at his most petulant.

The article is "Why Do I Only Read the King James Bible?" one of countless articles with the exact same point in Jesus-Is-Savior's needlessly bloated KJV section. We get off to a good start:

"I am the LORD, I change not." -Malachi 3:6Edit

God is immutable (unchangeable).  God does not change!  God's Word is unchangeable too.

DJS: Did you get that, readers!?

Really stupid readers: God... changes a lot?

DJS: Close enough.

God really, really doesn't change. The rate at which he changes over time is nil. It is moot to speak of God's having changed. Some might say he is unchangeable, some might say immutable, but the point stands that he is unchangeable and immutable, changing always never. He is not not not changeable, and----

If I am to live by "Every Word" of God, then I need an "Every Word" Bible!!!  Since all of the hundreds of bibles on the market don't say the same thing (and they don't agree), then they CANNOT ALL be God's Word--no way!  God only wrote ONE BOOK!

It's almost cute when DJS tries to reason something out. It's like watching a kitten nodding off, unable to remain awake. It probably takes inexhaustible amounts of child cum to fuel Stewart's drooling oaf brain. Seriously, remember those old Saturday morning cartoons with the moronic trolls and ogres and what have you? DJS would have trouble outwitting them at his own subject. Someone get the man an Every Word Bible!!

I've been amazed for years now, how God-fearing Believers can recognize false religion but fail to detect false bibles.  We can recognize counterfeit dollars, but not counterfeit bibles.  Folks! God never changes!  Why then are we so ready to accept changes to God's Word in the form of different Bible versions?  The Authorized King James text has faithfully served the body of Christ for almost 400 years.  During this time, and during its translation, Satan has viciously and relentlessly attacked it.  I now hear Christians attacking it too!  I've heard preachers and lay people say things like, "it's too hard to read" or "it doesn't properly reflect the true meaning of the original Greek."  These are poor excuses.  Do we rewrite Shakespeare?  Of course not!; rather, we study Shakespeare in the beauty in which it was written.  The Authorized 1611 King James Bible was translated in the most beautiful period of English literature; It is ridiculous to water it down to the silly so-called "translations" which we have available on the market today.  They are mistranslations!

Yes, DJS really is this rock stupid. He utterly fails to grasp the concept that maybe they're attacking the KJV because it's a translation that hasn't withstood scrutiny, no it's arbitrarily deemed perfect from the outset. We don't rewrite Shakespeare because he wasn't translating ancient texts, you eightfold dolt.

I like how "it doesn't properly translate the texts I believe were divinely inspired" is a "poor excuse."

The issue about the original Greek is really irrelevant!  Do you know why?  Simply because you and I were not there!  I cannot prove anything to you from history, and you cannot prove anything to me.  There are so many theories and "so-called proofs" that it is ridiculous.  Prove to me that Julius Caesar ever existed!  You cannot.  Prove to me that Alexander the Great existed!  You cannot.  Can I prove to you that Jesus ever existed?  No I cannot.  I can show you the Bible (which alone is enough proof for me), but you may not believe me.   Now I believe that Julius Caesar and Alexander the Great really existed.  Why?  Because of the historical evidence available.  Howbeit, you cannot PROVE to me that these men ever existed--I must accept it by faith, based on things I see and hear today.  Likewise, a person believes the Bible "by faith."  You see, everything we believe about history is "by faith."

Little Stewart seems a bit grumpy today, did Mommy forget to replace the milk with child cum in his Chex Mix

You can track how DJS's line of reasoning miraculously transmogrified from one end of the paragraph to the other. You can't prove anything about the original Greek, he only believes in things with historical evidence available, and wait what?

DJ, there's a thing called reasonable doubt. Hold on, that might be a bit too hard to grasp... there's a thing called reasonable...

He's just using "Mahh but you can't PROVE it ihh" as an excuse to believe whatever he wants to. Changing an opinion would be immutable and unchangeable and hurt-braining

 I once witnessed to a Jehovah Witness; He was a gentleman and new his religion well.  We began to discuss the King James Bible verses his "New World Translation."  He said that his bible had originated from much more reliable manuscripts than the King James (from the same corrupt source as the New International Version by the way--Wescott and Hort).  To make a long-story short, we never could make it past that key stumbling block--the Bible!  He failed to recognize God's Word.  He wanted to argue over the Greek.  Which Greek?  The corrupt Greek out of Alexandria Egypt?  Or the trustworthy Greek out of Antioch Rome?  I couldn't convince him of anything.  Listen, there are Greek manuscripts galore, including the corrupted manuscripts that the Roman Catholic religion uses; thousands and thousands of manuscripts. 

You know, I took courses in both Corrupt Greek and Trustworthy Greek, though I must say Trustworthy Greek was a more rewarding and fulfilling experience. Corrupt Greek keeps switching around conjugations and pronunciation schemes when you're not looking, it's so frustrating. Personally, I only put my faith in immutable languages like Trustworthy Greek. True languages never change, in addition to always not immutating!!

What I am saying ladies and gentleman is that we do NOT need a knowledge of the Greek or Hebrew to accurately identify God's Word today.  God promised to PRESERVE His Word for all generations, "The words of the LORD are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times.  Thou shalt keep them, O LORD, thou shalt preserve them from this generation for ever" (Psalms 12:6,7).  God promised to preserve His Word!  Just how pure is God's preserved Word?  We just read the answer in Psalm 12:6, " silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times."  The process of refining precious metals (such as silver and gold) involve heating the metals up until the impurities separate.  The more this process is repeated, the purer the finished product.  God said His Word is as pure as silver refined SEVEN times--now that's pure!  Don't you tell me that we don't have God's Word today!  Don't try to tell me that my grandmother would have needed a PHD (post-hole digger) to understand the Bible.  No sir!  The King James Bible has been tested and reads just fine at a 5th grade reading level.  My mama didn't need a degree in Greek or a diploma from some university to know that the King James Bible is God's preserved, inerrant, inspired, infallible Word.  Phooey on all these nuts talking about the Greek.

I sure am glad the proper true word of Christ was written by God through a council of late 16th century upper crust English nobles, because if it had been David J. Stewart's translation, the narrative would stop so often to explain things that are obvious by context that it would be more of an encyclopedia than a scripture by the end of it. Also, he'd keep explaining the same shit over and over. Head Translator David J. Babyprostate Stimulatatrix, your Eminence, you already waxed philosophical on how Judas secretly fathered Obama in the LAST chapter, silly!

We must remember that the Bible is a spiritual book and is understandable only to those who are led by God's Spirit.  It is not possible for the natural man to understand it...

"But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned" (1st Corinthians 2:14).

Thanks for making your holy text as obtuse as possible, God! Your road is so obviously the straight and narrow one once you get passed that magical labyrinth of pointless obstacles!

;hence, paraphrasing or simplifying it will do no good.  The Bible is not supposed to read like a fairy tale--Peter said, "...for we have not followed cunningly devised fables" (II Peter 1:16).  The words of the Authorized King James Bible are not laborious to me, they are beautiful and full of God's power.  Even the world knows it--the Authorized King James has been listed on Norton Anthology's list of "the world's best literature" for decades. 

It's been on Norton's Anthology's list of the World's Best Literature for decades!? I AM CONVINCED NOW

He goes on to bemoan the most minor changes in the NIV.

In this instance, the NIV changes the scriptures by saying that Jesus is God's "one and only Son" instead of saying, "his only begotten Son."  This change causes a contradiction in the word of God because God has more than one son according to both the King James (Genesis 6:2, Job 1:6, John 1:12) and NIV (Genesis 6:2).  God has many adopted sons, but only one "begotten Son"--Jesus, the only begotten Son of God.  It is a wicked sin for anyone to remove the word "begotten" from John 3:16.  As I told one Lutheran minister not long ago, "Any bible that does not have the word "begotten" in John 3:16 is going straight into my garbage pail."  God only wrote ONE Book, not 400.  The English speaking language hasn't changed that much in the last 400 years.  It's all about filthy lucre--money, money, money!  Just as some evil people prey upon children with their cigarette adds to make a buck, so do evil people pervert God's Word into a watered-down-mess to make a buck.  It is a shame, it really is!  

I know so many people who entered the Bible translation business to earn a quick fortune!! There's nothing that leads to a Scarface lifestyle quite like charting interpolations and expositing puns in dead languages!

Skipping ahead...

I've heard folks make a big to-do about the italics in the Authorized KJV.  Well, unlike many of today's translators, the authorized KJV translators were ethical enough to let us know which words they had to add in translating.  They did this in order to give us the true meaning of the original text (these are the words in italics in the KJV).  There is something called "transliteration."  It simply means that you MUST follow certain rules of grammar when translating from one language into another.

That is most definitely not what transliteration means. Transliteration has nothing to do with grammar whatsoever, lol. It's just writing the same word or pronunciation into different writing systems or scripts.

For example: Charles Russell (founder of the "Jehovah Witness" false religion) was taken to court in Canada.  The case for the lawsuit involved Russell's "New World Translation" of the Bible.  Russell perverted it.  He arbitrarily decided to add the article "a" into John 1:1.  Whereas the King James Bible said that Jesus "was God"; The New World Translation said that Jesus was, "a god."   Charles Russell lost this case in court.  You can't just go rewrite something any ole way you feel like it.  Basically, Charles was an idiot.  Today, the Jehovah Witnesses' try very hard to distance themselves from their goofy founder.  He was also taken to court by the Department of Agriculture for fraud.  He was selling seeds, claiming they were special and would yield 5 times the normal harvest.  He lost in court of course, again (read "Kingdom of the Cults" by Walter Martin for more).  The King James Translators went through the necessary trouble of identifying which words they added; That's real scholarship and integrity!!!  Thank Jesus for those godly men.

LOL. So it's not okay for Charles Russell to have added words, but it was okay for the KJV guys to add words because they made notes of it. GOD'S WORD IS IMMUTABLE EXCEPT WHEN KING JAMES HAS A BUNCH OF COOL DUDES TAKE A CRACK AT IT

Note how the court system is righteous before the advent of lesbian judges

Skipping ahead...

This whole matter of counterfeit bibles is of the devil.  Satan is the true source behind the NIV, ASV, NKJV, etc, etc.  New converts need God's Word, the King James Bible; not a watered-down variation.   Their growth is dependent upon learning and memorizing the Bible.  Have you ever tried to memorize the NIV?  There's just no motivation to memorize it.  On the contrary, the King James Bible grips your soul and begs to be in your heart and mind (if you love the Lord); One can't help but to memorize it's precious Words and doctrines.  The proof is that I've yet to meet one single NIV boasting Christian who could quote me a single verse word perfect from the NIV.  If they exist, I haven't met one.  I've come to notice that the folks who love their Bible's the most are King James folks.  When I was a boy; I remember my mother used to sleep sometimes times with a King James Bible clutched in her arms.  How many NIV folks love their Bible that much?  Come to think of it, how often do you see someone faithfully carrying their NIV.  The devil figures that if he can't kill the babes, he'll do the next best thing--stunt their growth.  The NIV is BAD news folks!  Read the King James!!! 

Stewart memorized the KJV so thoroughly that every night he rewrites one of the gospels in fresh child cum, directly into the eyeballs of another child. And then the child learns to sleep with a KJV blocking his anus, it's so heartwarming.

Religion and ShakespeareEdit

Why Does Every Mary Have to Be Catholic?Edit

It's the mid 16th century, and Mary I is such a zealot she was labelled Bloody Mary for all the Protestants her reign executed. This period of English history was a tug of war between monarchs and official religions. It would not do to worship exactly as the divinely ordained, impressively manicured and frilly cap of the Great Chain of Being. However, when Mary's sister Elizabeth butted her off the throne, not everyone had to switch gears back to Protestantism. Catholicism was deemed okay so long as it posed no threat to her rule.

The paranoia that always dangles as a Damocles sword over the crown was not unjustified. Catholic conspirators hatched several plots during Elizabeth's tenure to oust her in favor of her cousin, Mary Queen of Scots. For this treason and also for the fact that Catholicism had too many revered matriarchs named Mary, she was head-chopped forthwith.

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